


The Real Son

by siriuspiggyback



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bisexual Peter Parker, Bullying, Child Neglect, Embedded Images, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everybody Lives, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Illustrated, Insecure Peter Parker, Jealousy, Kidnapping, M/M, Miscommunication, Parent Tony Stark, Parent-Child Relationship, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-10 21:06:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17433506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuspiggyback/pseuds/siriuspiggyback
Summary: When Peter first saw the news headline, his stomach dropped to the vicinity of his toes. 'Tony Stark's Secret Son' it proclaimed. 'Images leaked of Tony with Teen.'When the first photo was shown, Peter's first reaction was relief. The kid on the screen wasn't Peter. His identity was safe. Then came something like jealousy, a bitter flavour to it. He wondered whether Tony would still want to hang out with him, now that he had a real son.Why couldn't he just feel happy for Mr Stark?





	1. Chapter 1

When Peter first saw the news headline, his stomach dropped to the vicinity of his toes.  Tony Stark's Secret Son,  it proclaimed.  Images leaked of Tony with Teen.  He mentally tried to figure how they could have gotten a picture of them together.  They had been very careful about keeping things out of the press, whenever the pair had left the relative privacy of the Avengers compound . Once his identity was out there, it wouldn't take a genius to link him to Spider-Man. He had his phone in his hand, ready to call Tony, when the first photo  was shown .

Peter's first reaction was relief. It wasn't Peter. The kid on the screen wasn't Peter. He didn't recognise him, but he recognised Tony, looking stilted opposite the boy.  At first glance, the teen didn't look like Tony; he was tall and lanky, with blue eyes and close cropped hair, a nose ring catching at the light . The longer Peter looked, though, the more he saw the similarities. His eyes were the same shape as Tony's, big and soft looking, and his jawline was almost identical. He might actually be Tony's son.

  
[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/161747284@N06/45877748885/in/dateposted-public/)

Then came something like jealousy, a bitter flavour to it. How stupid Peter had been, to think that the press had seen how Tony acted around Peter and to have assumed-

Things had been different between them, since Thanos. They had become closer, Tony more  openly affectionate, but that didn't equal a father. And besides, Peter didn't need a dad.

So why was envy twisting at his gut?

Peter checked and double checked his phone, but Tony hadn't contacted him. He wondered how long Tony had know, without telling Peter. Not that he had any right to know. He just... he would have liked to hear about this from Tony, rather than CNN.

He wondered whether Tony would still want to hang out with him, now that he had a real son, before admonishing himself . He was being selfish. This was good news. Tony deserved more family than he had. Peter shot him a text - I heard about your son. Congrats, Mr Stark! -  and then turned his phone face down, so that he wouldn't watch for the reply.

He sat watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine, knowing he should be doing homework, but feeling too distracted to be productive . He felt turned upside down. Why couldn't he  just feel happy for Mr Stark?

When his phone buzzed, he held his breath as he grabbed it. It wasn't from Tony. He sighed, opening the message from Ned. He had seen the news, and wanted to know whether Peter had known. Peter felt a little humiliated as he typed out his answer. It didn't curb Ned's enthusiasm, though. His phone was blowing up with questions, like,  will you get to meet him? Do you think he's a genius too?  The questions left a sour taste in Peter's mouth, and he couldn't find a reply.

He went to bed early, without patrolling. He thought that if he went out now, he would  probably do something stupid and get hurt. He knew that Mr Stark wouldn't have time for him getting in trouble today.  He fell asleep  surprisingly fast, and didn't dream, which was a blessing; his nightmares had come back with a vengeance after Thanos .

He startled awake around one in the morning.

He groped around for his phone to stop the buzzing. When he found it, he peered at it before sitting up  sharply . Tony was calling him.

He answered the call. "Mr Stark?" he greeted, confused but trying for nonchalant.

"Heyyy kiddo. Other kiddo." A strangled giggle came down the line, and Peter frowned. Tony sounded strange.

"Are you okay?" Peter asked.

"I'm fantastic, Peter. I have a son! Me!" cried Tony, his words slurring a little.

Peter chewed the inside of his cheek. He had never heard Tony drunk before, but he knew that he used to drink a lot. He hoped that this was a celebratory drunk, rather than a bad coping mechanism. "Yeah, I heard."

"Yeah, I heard too. Seventeen years too late, but hey,  maybe that's for the best, right, Pete?" Tony made a small noise at the back of his throat, but  quickly began talking again. " Probably for the best. I don't think I would have made a good... a good..."

"Mr Stark? Are you sure you're okay? I could swing over-"

"No," Tony interrupted, "Don't."

The harsh sting of rejection stole Peter's voice for a moment, but he pushed through it. "Okay."

There was a silence over the line for a moment, long enough for Peter to worry that Tony might have passed out. When Tony did speak, his voice  was hushed . "Adam," he said.

"Huh?" said Peter.

"His name’s Adam."

"Right," Peter replied, not sure what else to say.

"Fuck. It's late, sorry kid, you've got school tomorrow, I forgot-" rambled Tony.

"No, no, it's okay. I'm glad you called," he said, blushing at his own transparency. "Are we still on for Saturday?"

"Saturday?" repeated Tony, voice blank. Peter's heart sunk.

"You said we could hang out in the lab, work on my suit?"

"Oh! Yeah, sure kid," said Tony, apologetic. "See you then."

"Bye, Mr Stark!" chirped Peter, and the call ended.

Peter sighed, flopping back into his bed. He didn't like hearing Tony like that. He wished that he could do something, feeling childish and powerless. The teen closed his eyes, and wished for sleep to return.

By time Saturday rolled around, Peter had worked himself into a state of anxiety. All week at school, he had listened as rumours flew about the Stark heir.  He knew most of it was bullshit - after all, he had endured ridiculous stories about Spider-Man - but he couldn’t help but listen . The rumours could  be sorted into two major categories; the admiring, and the acerbic. Some talked of how the Stark child, Adam, was a genius, a prodigy, a soon to be superhero.  Others spread gossip of a violent streak, a criminal record, although none of those claims had  been substantiated . Peter tried not to make a judgement on the guy, having never met him, but he couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated. 

When Happy picked him up, he was glad that the anticipation was almost over with. Happy wasn’t a chatty guy, but Peter managed to extract a few facts.  Firstly , that Mr Stark had only discovered his son a week ago, and he alluded to the situation being an awkward one.  Secondly , that Adam had immediately moved in. Peter couldn’t help but wonder where he had been living beforehand. If Peter had  suddenly found himself with a father, he couldn’t imagine leaving Aunt May like that. But then, not everyone had someone like May.

When he got to the compound, F.R.I.D.A.Y. directed him straight down to the workshop. He passed Bucky Barnes on the way, and gave the guy an enthusiastic wave. Barnes gave him a nod in return.

Stepping into the lab, Peter pulled up short. Tony was there, with the damaged Iron Spider suit laid out on the table, wiring exposed. Next to him, perched on the bench, was Adam. The other boy looked up. His expression was impassive, and it made Peter’s palms sweat. Adam was long limbed and casual looking, sat like he belonged in the lab. Underneath the piercing and close cropped hair, he could probably be described as cute. Not that Peter was calling him cute. Tony had not noticed his entrance, absorbed in the suit, until Adam said, “Tony.” His voice was quiet.

“Huh?” muttered Tony, straightening up. “Oh! Peter, come in, take a look at this, I was  just looking at the grip sensors and- wait. My bad, introductions first. Peter, Adam. Adam, Peter.”

“Hi,” greeted Peter, lifting a hand in an awkward wave. Adam’s expression didn’t change, but Peter got the impression that he was being laughed at. 

“Hey,” Adam said.

“Okay, good, now come look,” beckoned Tony, pulling up a holographic diagram of the suit. 

Things were easier after that. Science was an easy topic to fall back on, something that made Peter feel confident. Sometimes he felt Adam’s eyes on him though, and stuttered in his suggestions. Adam didn’t contribute, although Peter wasn’t sure whether he was unable or  just unwilling. He definitely seemed to be listening along. Peter worried that it was rude, excluding him like this, but Tony seemed unconcerned. 

After a few hours had slipped by, Tony ordered some pizza.  Adam raised an eyebrow at the amount of food - Tony was familiar with Peter’s metabolism, and took it into account - but didn’t comment . When the food arrived, Adam ate enough to rival Peter. It would have been funny, if not for the possessive way that he held his food, the speed with which he chewed. He wondered where Adam had been living, that he didn’t seem to believe food would always be available. It made Peter’s chest feel tight. He saw Tony snatching glances at the boy, and the way Tony’s jaw clenched, and knew that he had seen it too.

After the food was gone, Adam pulled out a dogeared book, and retreated to the sofa against the wall. Peter sneaked a look at the cover, and saw it was Flowers For Algernon. He made a mental note to google it later. In the meanwhile, he got back to work with Tony.

It was pretty late when Tony sent him home, Happy driving him back. He didn't pester Happy like he had on the way from school. His mood had turned quiet, pensive. Despite spending the evening in the same room as Adam, he didn't feel that he had gotten to know him at all. In fact, Peter found himself more curious about the boy than before. The only thing that Peter had learnt was that Tony seemed unchanged. He had treated Peter with the same easy friendship that they had settled into. Peter found himself less relieved than he had expected.  Belatedly , Peter thought that something  should have changed. It seemed strange to act as though it was still the same, with Adam in the background like a ghost. 

Next time, he decided, they would have to find something else, something that didn't leave Adam as a spectator . He didn't want to lose Tony, but he didn't want to push himself between Adam and his dad, either. 

Resolved, Peter felt himself relax as the scenery rumbled past. Before he knew, his eyes  were closed , and he drifted to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Peter was patrolling when Mr Stark called. "Hey, kid," he said. "You got to Midtown Science, right? Is it a good school? I mean, do you like it there?"

"Uhh." Peter had forgotten to shoot another web, and swung back, losing momentum. Defeated, he let himself drop to the pavement. A pedestrian waved, and he finger gunned back at the guy. "It's okay," Peter hedged, "Why?"

"Looking for a new school for Adam. His old one is too far to commute."

"Oh, okay. Isn't there anything closer to the compound, though?" Peter frowned to himself. It wasn't a crazy distance, but the commute wouldn't be ideal either.

"But this way, he's already got someone he knows!" said Tony, "Plus, Happy can pick the two of you up after school, and you can hang out at the compound more."

Peter found himself grinning at this. It was so cool that Tony trusted Peter to be there for Adam. He wasn't sure that it  was warranted \- Adam hadn't exactly seemed like he wanted a friend - but it was a nice thought. "Sounds good to me, Mr Stark!"

 

 

And that was how he found himself, Monday morning, scanning the parking lot for Happy's usual car. He jogged over, mindful of the time, and Happy rolled his window down. "Hey, kid. When are you coming back with us, huh?"

Peter gave the man a wide grin. "Friday,  maybe ? I need to ask May."

The door opened, and Adam unfolded himself. He gave Happy a nod, and strode away from the car, gait fast as if he didn't want to  be seen with the sleek car. Peter gave Happy an apologetic smile before taking off after the guy.

"So, first day, huh?" said Peter, falling into step with Adam.  A few of his classmates were staring, but not at him; half the population had Adam's face memorised since the photos were make public . He felt bad for the guy. Starting at a new school was hard enough, without the extra attention of fame.

"Yep," replied Adam. His voice was flat, but Peter tried not to take offence. Adam looked pale, and his eyes  were shadowed . Peter wondered whether the other boy had slept at all last night.

Deciding small talk wasn't welcome, he said, "The office is this way, if that's where you're supposed to...?"

"Sure," he said, following Peter.

Once there, Peter asked him, "Do you want me to wait for you?"

"No, I'll be okay," Adam said. Feeling dismissed, Peter turned to leave. "Hey, Peter," Adam called, and Peter twisted back around in surprise. "Thanks."

Peter blinked. Adam seemed sincere, his eyes watching Peter. "Yeah, sure, any time," said Peter, wrong footed. He took a step back, and immediately bumped into another student. He muttered an apology as he turned to escape the awkwardness.

 

 

He didn't see Adam again until second period, when he entered his bio class, ducking in at the last minute. Adam took an empty seat at the back, far from Peter, and he felt a strange mix of relief and disappointment. He saw Ned next to him turn to watch Adam. "Is he mean?" asked Ned.

"What?" said Peter, confused. Ned had been very enthusiastic about the Stark kid, so he wasn't sure where his wary tone had come from. "He- he's okay. Why?"

"You look at him like you don't like him," Ned said, "and I heard he got expelled for fighting at his old school."

"I don't dislike him.  And he changed school because it was too far from the compound," explained Peter, exasperated .

“Okay,” said Ned, pulling out his notebook and pen. Peter knew that he didn’t quite believe him, but he was happy to let go of it for now.

 

 

At lunch, Peter found himself nervous waiting to see if Adam would join them.  Ned and Peter had sat at their usual table, with MJ at the other end, far enough to draw in peace, but close enough to join them if she felt like it . 

When Adam entered the cafeteria, Peter tracked him with his eyes. He picked through the tables towards them. His face was inscrutable.  Worlessly , he took a seat at the table, halfway between MJ and Ned. He took out some food, and a book - he had finished Flowers For Algernon, and was now reading The Little Prince.  Peter thought it made a strange combination, the childlike drawing on the cover at odds with his cool exterior .  Ned had stopped talking, but when it became clear that Adam wasn’t looking for conversation, he  quickly resumed . Peter tried to pay attention, but often found his gaze drawn to Adam. He noticed that his nails  were painted a dark purple, and looked up to find Adam watching him. He raised an eyebrow  pointedly , and went back to his book. Peter prayed he wasn’t blushing.

The rest of the day passed much the same. Adam didn't speak to him, but he often seemed to be lurking in the corner of Peter's eye. It left Peter feeling a little self conscious. A small part of him felt something like resentment, for Adam making him feel like that.  Logically he knew that the other boy hadn't done anything to deserve it, but a shameful part of him hissed that Adam was taking Tony away from him, and now his school too . 

At the end of the school day, he parted with Ned, and made his way towards to bus stop. He saw Adam walking toward a car, and then Happy sticking his hand out of the window to beckon Peter over. “Pete, I'm giving you a lift home too.”

“What? No, I can get the bus,” said Peter. He didn't want to hijack Adams ride, not to mention endure what was sure to be an awkward silence.

“Boss’ orders,” said Happy  firmly . With a sigh, Peter conceded. The back of the car was spacious, but somehow Adam made it claustrophobic. It wasn't that he  physically took up much space, but rather that he seemed to fill it with his presence. 

They sat in silence for several minutes until it  was interrupted by a buzz from Adam's pocket. The boy checked it, and went to put it back, when the phone vibrated again, this time  continuously .  Adam let out a long breath through his nose - although it might have gone unheard of not for Peter's sensitive hearing - and answered the call . “Hi,” he said. 

Tony's voice answered. “How was your first day at school?” he teased. 

Peter  surreptitiously checked his phone. No notifications.  _I'm not jealous_ ,  he told himself. 

“Fine,” replied Adam. His eyes slipped closed. 

“Give me more than that kid. Did you get lost? Make friends? Did you see Peter?”

Peter  suddenly realised he wasn't supposed to be privy to this call, and scrambled to put his headphones in . He made sure his music was loud enough that all he could hear was the vague tones of Tony's voice.

It wasn't long until Adam hung up, and soon they were pulling up outside Peter's apartment building. Peter took his headphones out to call a thank you to Happy.  As he grabbed his backpack, he noticed Adam's expression was one of faint surprise as he looked out at Peter's street . 

“What?” snapped Peter. He wasn't about to let Adam make him feel ashamed of where he lived. Aunt May worked hard for this, and Peter was proud of her. 

“Nothing,” said Adam  mildly . “See you tomorrow.”

Frowning, Peter shut the door and made his way up to the apartment. Was Adam  just another stuck up rich kid? He didn't sound like them, and he didn't  proudly wear their fashionable brands like a badge of honour. In fact, Adam had the  sightly underfed look that a lot of kids from poorer neighbourhoods got. But then, why the strange look?  Unless… had Peter  accidentally fooled him into thinking that  _ Peter _ was an over privileged private school kid ? He reviewed what Adam knew about him.  Peter was friends with billionaires; Peter went to one of the best schools in the state; Peter had the newest Stark phone .  Maybe Adam was  just surprised to find that Peter had grown up like him? 

Peter groaned. He had been a total jerk. No wonder Adam didn't want to be his friend. He felt like he had  been dunked in cold water. Ben would  be ashamed of him, being so rude, especially to someone who needed a friend. He resolved to do better tomorrow.

 

The next day, Happy pulled up outside as Peter started his dash to the bus stop. "Get in loser," Happy called out of his open window, "we're going shopping!"

Peter doubled over laughing. "I never should have shown you Mean Girls," he said as he got into the car. Happy winked.

"Hi, Adam," greeted Peter, hoping that his expression looked friendly.

"Peter," said Adam, turning to face the window. The smile dropped from Peter's face. Well, he decided, it might be too late to be Adam's friend, but he could at least be civil.

 

 

Ned noticed almost immediately. By their lockers, he asked Peter, "Whats going on?" 

"What do you mean?"

"Yesterday, you looked at Adam like he had insulted Star Trek," Ned explained. "Now you look at him like... I don't know. Like you're trying to smile, but you're in pain?"

"Ugh," grunted Peter, dropping his head back against his locker. "I'm trying to be nice."

"You  _ are _ nice," said Ned. "Why is it so difficult with Adam?"

"I don't know," sighed Peter. "It's  just weird. Awkward."

"Because he's Tony's biological son, but you're like Tony's family too?"

"Wha- No! Tony isn't my  dad! " yelped Peter.

"No," said Ned, tone thoughtful, "but he is your mentor. It would be natural for you to be kind of jealous." 

"I'm not-" spluttered Peter.

"Sure, Pete," Ned said, patting Peter's shoulder. 

"I'm not!"

"Sure, Pete."


	3. Chapter 3

Peter  tentatively thought that things had improved between Adam and him. They weren’t friends, but they were friendly.  They still didn’t talk much, but they had settled into a quiet sort of dynamic, sometimes even discussing school on their commute .  Peter still knew little about the other boy, but he liked the way that Tony seemed to smile more since Adam had arrived .

 

Now that some time had passed, he felt like an idiot for being so jealous at the beginning. Adam wasn’t trying to steal Tony, and Tony wasn’t trying to replace Peter. He hoped that Tony hadn’t noticed his strange behaviour. He wondered what Adam had made of Peter. No doubt he thought Peter was rude, but  maybe in the time since, he had mitigated that?  He had been making an effort to smile at Adam whenever he saw him, but Ned looked at him like he was being weird, so it might have looked like more of a grimace . He had become frustrated by his own inability to be normal around Adam, even now that he no longer envied the boy.

 

Peter  was bored , swinging through the streets. It was dark out, and quiet, and Peter knew that was a good thing, but he kind of hoped for something more exciting. He knew that he should start heading back soon, or May would start to worry. He sighed.  He still had a lot of energy - he had found himself feeling nervous often, but wasn’t sure why - but  hopefully he could expel some on the way home .

 

As if called into existence by his own thoughts, he heard a cry from a nearby alleyway. His heart stuttered. It sound like a child.

 

He  hastily swung toward to mouth of the alley, and dropped down. He couldn’t see anyone, neither the child, nor any aggressor, but his spidey sense was blaring at him. He hesitated. Something didn’t seem right.  Another child’s scream, and Peter started into the alley, in spite of his instincts, following little whimpering sounds . As he got closer, he thought to himself that something sounded wrong. The noises had a strange, flat quality to them… almost like-

 

He felt a sharp pinch in his neck.

 

-like a recording.

 

He whirled around, webbing the man who had injected him. There were more figures behind him, except he couldn’t quite count them, the men blurring together. He launched himself at one man, throwing a punch that almost didn’t land. He was wobbly, off balance. What had they dosed him with?

 

He was fighting instinctively, by now. He shot webs  blindly , kicking out whenever anyone got close. He heard a bang, and some small, far away part of his brain thought  _ oh god.  _ And then he felt the pain of it, a hot, wet agony in the hollow under his collar bone.

 

He  wildly shot another web, and heard a yelp, and then quiet. He had done it, he was safe. Now he needed to go to… the hospital? He stumbled out onto the street, disorientated. That made sense, but he thought it might be wrong. Why shouldn’t he go to the hospital? He  was shot . Crap. He  was shot . He needed…

 

Tony! Tony can help. He  just needed to go to the tower- no, not the tower, the compound. He started swinging, but found himself dropping down to the concrete. Oh. His right arm wasn’t working, with the bullet in his shoulder. He used his left instead, swinging himself towards Tony. Sometimes got confused, and stopped, but he muddled his way in the right direction.

 

Peter was cold, and tired. He wanted his bed. Why was he here? At… the avengers compound? He stepped inside, the floor wavering under the bright fluorescent. His shoulder hurt. He was so tired. Why wasn’t he home?  Maybe he should go home.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/161747284@N06/46090361584/in/dateposted-public/)

 

A voice called out, and Peter opened his eyes. When did he close them? Adam was stood in front of them, frowning. He didn’t like that. Adam shouldn’t be sad. “Spider-Man?” said Adam. His voice  was concerned . His eyes roamed down, freezing at the wet patch on his shoulder.

 

“Adam!” said Peter, pleased to see him. Something was on his face - oh, his mask. He tugged it off, so that Adam could see him smile.

 

“ _ Peter?”  _ said Adam. His voice had gone high, like he  was shocked .  Maybe he  was stunned by Peter’s handsomeness. Peter smiled even wider at the thought.

 

The walls  suddenly twisted around Peter, the floor wavering underneath him. He thought he might fall, for a moment, and then he felt hands on him. His heart leapt into his throat. He couldn’t fight off another attacker, not when he was this dizzy. He pulled back  sharply , a fearful whine escaping him. The hands stopped touching, and he let out a slow breath. After a moment, the spinning slowed, and Peter opened his eyes again. There wasn’t an attacker, he realised, embarrassed. Adam had taken a step back, a hurt expression on his face. “Sorry,” said Peter.

 

“It’s fine,” muttered Adam. He was typing on his phone. “Tony will be here in a second, and Bruce is getting the medical ward ready, okay?”

 

“Medical ward?” questioned Peter. The walls started twisting again, and his knees felt wobbly. He took a shaky step forward, reaching out for Adam. The other boy wrapped an arm around Peter’s waist, taking some of his weight. “I don’t feel good,” mumbled Peter. He dropped his head forward onto Adam’s shoulder.

 

Adam’s heartbeat sped up a little. “Hey, stay awake, okay?”

 

“Mm. You smell good,” slurred Peter.

 

He was so tired. His eyes had drifted close. He felt  comfortably warm, pressed against Adam. He felt himself floating away.

 

“Peter?” said Adam.

 

“Peter!” came another voice.  _ Tony _ , Peter thought  fondly .

 

That was the last thing he heard.

  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


There was a loud beeping noise. Was it his alarm? He couldn’t be late for school again, May would be mad. He groaned. His body was aching. He must have gone too hard on patrol last night.

 

“Peter?”

 

The voice was hushed. Who was that? It wasn’t May.

 

“Peter? You awake?”

 

Peter peeled his eyes open. The ceiling was harsh white. Where was he? He rolled his head to the side, towards the voice. In the corner of the room, Tony was slumped in a chair. His eyes were closed, and his chin rested against his chest. Adam was stood at the doorway. He looked more unsure than Peter had ever seen him. “Hi,” whispered Peter.

 

Adam stepped into the room. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Uh...I’m okay. What happened?” said Peter, his voice gravelly.

 

“You turned up last night, drugged and and shot.”

 

“Oh,” said Peter.

 

After a pause, Adam blurted, “I can’t believe you’re Spider-Man.”

 

Peter blinked at him. “You didn’t know?”

 

“Not until last night,” said Adam. Was he blushing? 

 

“Huh. I kind of assumed that Tony had told you,” said Peter.

 

Adam shook his head, glancing over at his sleeping father. “He just said that he was mentoring you in engineering. It’s funny, I-” he cut himself off, shaking his head.

 

“What?” asked Peter. He found himself curious. It was probably the most that Adam had ever shared about himself. 

Adam smiled. Had Peter ever seen him smile before? “It’s stupid. I guess I was kind of envious. I finally found my dad, but he had already replaced me,” he said. “I thought, what does he have that I don’t? I’m smart too, I could do that.”

 

Peter felt a wave of guilt. He hadn’t wanted to get between the two of them, but apparently he had anyway. “I’m sorry.”

 

“God, no, don’t apologise. I get it, now. I’m glad you have him. It can’t be easy, having so much responsibility,” said Adam.

 

“I’d probably be dead without him,” said Peter. The pair settled into contemplative silence for a moment. He thought he felt something shift between them. Maybe this was his opportunity to put things right. “I was jealous too, you know.” Adam looked up, and Peter pushed himself to keep going. “But it doesn’t work like that. You can’t replace people, it doesn’t work like that. It doesn’t have to be a competition.”

 

Adam’s expression was hard to read. “I hope not.”

 

“I’m sorry, for being rude, at the start. It was stupid,” said Peter.

 

Adam gave him a long, searching look. “Is that the whole reason, for why you don’t like me? Jealousy?”

 

Peter frowned. “Yeah? Not that- not that I don’t like you! I do like you!”

 

Adam’s shoulders started shaking, and for a horrified second, he thought  _ I made him cry. _ But then laughter bubbled out of Adam’s mouth. The boy doubled over, pressing a hand to his mouth. “What? Why are you laughing?” asked Peter, confused. 

 

“We’re both idiots,” explained Adam. “I thought you were just homophobic!”

 

“What?” said Peter, blank. 

 

“I thought you didn’t like me because I’m queer,” said Adam, suppressed laughter in his voice. “That’s why I wouldn’t talk to you.”

 

“But- I’m not a homophobe! I didn’t even know you were gay!” yelped Peter.

 

“It’s not like I try to hide it,” said Adam, pointing out a pride flag badge among the band logos and book quotes which decorated his jacket.

 

Peter blushed, feeling oblivious.

 

Their conversation was interrupted by a groan. Tony was sitting up, stretching out his neck. “I’m too old to sleep in chairs,” he mumbled.

 

“Tony!” Peter called.

 

“Hey, look who’s up,” said Tony. “I thought you promised to be careful? You scared the crap out of me, Peter.”

 

“Sorry,” said Peter, abashed. 

 

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

 

“Not bad, just kind of tired.”

 

“Thank God for your healing factor. You lost a lot of blood, and had a huge dosage of sedative in your bloodstream. What happened?”

 

“A group of guys were trying to grab me. I think they were waiting for me,” said Peter.

 

Tony frowned. “I don’t like this.”

 

“I’ll be more careful, I promise,” said Peter.

 

“You’d better,” teased Adam. Peter gave him grin in return.

 

When Peter looked back towards Tony, he had a pleased look on his face. Peter wondered what put it there.

 

“Hey, you did call Aunt May, right, Tony?” said Peter.

 

Tony paled. “Crap.”

 

Peter sighed. “Crap.”

 

Adam huffed a small laugh. Peter could get used to that sound.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who's commented, it was so motivating that i finished another chapter today!

 

 

 

Ned had sent him a multitude of texts on his first day back at school, post shooting. He was in Chemistry when the messages arrived. Peter took his phone out under the desk, trying his best to look engaged in the lesson. He sneaked glances at his phone when the teacher wrote on the board.

(11:08) dude whats going on

(11:08) did u and Adam work things out or smth

(11:09) ??? idk what you mean

(11:11) u 2 were actually talking this morning

(11:13) so?

(11:14) peter. Dude.

(11:15) ...ok yes, we worked things out

(11:15) finally!!

Peter smiled, caught between pride and embarrassment.  When Adam sat next to him at lunch that day, Ned grinned  sunnily , and Peter was thankful that he had finally been honest with Adam .

Ned wasn’t the only one who noticed a change. Peter received a call from Tony one evening, the man sounding puzzled. “What’s up?” Peter asked.

“I’m… not sure. Did something happen at school recently?”

“Uh… not that I know of. Why?” said Peter.

“Adam is…  suspiciously happy. Won’t tell me why,” explained Tony.

Peter frowned. He wasn’t sure what the cause for concern was. “ Maybe he’s  just happy?”

Tony mumbled something incoherent and hung up. Peter shook his head.

 

 

 

Things were easier, after that night.  Their confessions had eased the tensions between them, and now that they were talking more, Peter had discovered that Adam was… kind of awesome ? He had a talent for fast, clever quips, inherited from his father, but none of Tony’s arrogance. Peter laughed more around Adam than he had since… well, since Ben had died. He integrated  seamlessly into Peter’s little friendship group.  He had enough appreciation for classic sci-fi that Ned adored him, and was progressive and political, earning MJ’s respect .

Still, sometimes Peter found himself awkward around the other boy, for reasons unknown. Was is a remnant from their rocky beginning? Adam was definitely cooler that Peter, had a quiet sort of confidence that Peter lacked.  Maybe he was self conscious because of that? Either way, Peter  was determined not to let it ruin their budding friendship.

One day, at their lockers, Ned said to Peter, “Do you want to come over this weekend? We could play Battlefront II?”

“Sure,” said Peter, digging through his locker for his Spanish notes.

“You can invite Adam, if you’d like?” suggested Ned.

Peter paused in his search. “Why’d you say that?”

Ned seemed to consider his words  carefully . “You two have gotten… close, recently.”

“Well… yeah, I suppose. But that doesn’t mean you have to-,” Peter cut himself off, forehead creased. “You’re still my best friend.”

Ned  just laughed at this. “I know,” he said, “I  just thought you might like an excuse to spend more time with him.”

Peter blinked, more confused than before. “Why would I need an excuse?”

Ned paused, searching his face. “... okay, never mind then.”

No matter how Peter asked, his friend wouldn’t explain, and  eventually he gave up asking.

 

 

 

 

Peter and Adam often found themselves walking between classes together. Peter had noted two benefits to this. One was that Peter got to listen to Adams wry comments on their last class.  Secondly , Flash and his friends didn’t usually bother him around Adam. Peter thought that their idolisation of the young Stark kept them too distracted.  Unfortunately, Peter soon found, that didn’t apply to  all of the idiots that sometimes make a game of picking on Peter .

The pair were walking through the halls when McKeever stepped in front of him.  McKeever was the very stereotype of a high school bully: a member of the football team, more brawn than brains, liked to bully anyone smaller than him .  Unlike Flash, McKeever and Peter didn’t share classes, but on the rare occasion that they did pass in the halls, it was usually memorable . 

Peter steeled himself. This was bound to be humiliating. Even worse, Adam was here to witness it.

“Hey, look, it’s Parker,” boomed McKeever. He  lightly shoved Peter’s shoulder. He wasn’t  really trying to hurt Peter, he  just wanted to prove that he could, if he wanted to. Peter allowed it, taking a half step back. “God, have you gotten  _shorter?_ ”  McKeever gave another shove, harder than the last. Peter forced himself not to tense up, and felt his back bang against the hard metal of the lockers. The collision was loud in his sensitive ears. Peter’s spidey sense tingled, and he had to force himself not to react.

He could feel Adam’s eyes on him, but couldn’t tell what he was thinking; Peter was unable to peel his eyes from what his instincts told him was a threat . He wished that Adam would  just walk away. He didn’t want him to see this side of him, the part of him which was so distant from his life as Spider-Man.

“Hey, what’s this?” jeered McKeever, swiping Peter’s textbook out of his grasp. It took a conscious effort not to let his fingers glue themselves to it. 

“That’s called a book. It’s for this thing called reading.”

Peter and McKeever turned in unison, surprise on both their faces. Adam stood there, a look of cold fury on his face. Peter recognised the expression, but not from Adam. In that moment, he looked  just like Tony, walking to battle like an avenging angel. Peter shivered. Adam took a step towards them, inserting himself between Peter the bully. 

“What?” said McKeever, dumbstruck.

“Don’t worry, I figured that reading is  probably outside of your abilities,” sniped Adam.

McKeever seemed to realise then that he was being insulted. His face twisted with anger. “Who are you,” he spat, “Parker’s boyfriend?”

Adam stiffened, and then pulled back his arm. Fast as lighting, he threw his fist, hitting McKeever square in the face. Peter was familiar enough with hand to hand to recognise the sound of a nose breaking. McKeever stumbled backwards, howling in pain. He held his hands to his face, but Peter could see a trickle of blood making its way down his wrist. 

 

Adam grabbed Peter’s hand, pulling him forward, away from the gathered crowd. Peter stumbled along  obediently , as if in a daze.  Soon, they were outside, around by the bins where Seniors would  occasionally gather to smoke in secret . 

Adam let go of his hand, stepping back. It was then that Peter noticed how the other boy was trembling. “Hey,” murmured Peter, “you okay?” 

Adam nodded, but Peter knew an adrenaline crash when he saw one. “C’mon, lets sit down,” he suggested.

“No,” said Adam, shaking his head  violently .  He was clenching and unclenching his right hand, where bruises were already forming on his knuckled . Peter winced.

“Okay.” Peter shifted his weight. He wasn’t sure what to do, how to help. He didn’t understand how they had ended up here. Why did Adam  do  that?

“Why did you _do_ that?”

Peter startled at that, his own thoughts echoed back at him. “Do what?”

“You  just stood there,” said Adam. “Why didn’t you do anything? You didn’t even  speak . Why would you do that? You could have stopped him. You’re  _ Spider-Man !” _

Peter gaped. He felt cold all over, split open. 

No one had ever asked him that before.

“It- It’s complicated,” rasped Peter.

Adam frowned. “Explain it to me, then.”

Peter wrapped his arms around himself, avoiding the other boy’s eyes. They were so like Tony’s. 

“It’s like… before my powers, I was this nerdy kid. I built computers, I read books. And then, I got these powers, and I could do all these things. But that’s not me,” Peter rambled, trying to remember how he had explained it to Tony, back when they first met. “So, like… Now I’m fast, and strong, and it would be cool to play football, but I couldn’t then, so I shouldn’t now. This is the same. Yeah, of course it would be cool to stand up to those guys, to push them back. But I couldn’t then, so I shouldn’t now.”

Peter let out a long breath, feeling spent. Adam’s eyes were thoughtful, considering. 

“That’s bullshit.”

“Excuse me?” said Peter, taken aback.

“That’s bullshit! Do you know how many kids out there wish they were you? Wishing they could be strong, that they could stop the people who hurt them?” Adam’s voice  was choked . 

Peter took a step forward. “Adam-”

Adam shoulders sagged  suddenly . He sat  heavily , leaning back against the cold brick, as if the weight of the world was on top of him. Peter hesitated before joining him, sitting as close as he dared. 

“You changed, Peter. And that’s okay, that’s normal. These powers… they’re part of you. You’ve used them to help people, and that’s good. Hell, that’s amazing! But… it’s okay if you use them to help yourself, too,” said Adam. He turned to hold Peter’s gaze, blue eyes solemn. “You deserve help as much as anyone else.”

Peter’s throat was tight, and he feared that he wouldn’t be able to speak without his voice wobbling. Instead he leaned in closer, resting head of Adam’s shoulder. Peter listened to the sound of their breathing, and under that, the thrum of their hearts. He listened until the hot feeling behind his eyes receded. 

“Thank you,” Peter whispered, unwilling to break the strange hush that had settled over them.

“You’re welcome, Peter.”

The pair sat for a while longer, until they heard the bell ring for their next period. Peter stood, reaching out to pull Adam up.  The pair walked together towards their next class, but Peter stopped him before they entered the classroom .

“Hey, Adam? Don’t tell Tony about this, okay?” asked Peter.  Then the bell rang again, and they darted inside, before Miss Warren could scold them for tardiness .


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter! 
> 
> for anyone who's been following this story, there is now art in chapter one! so feel free to go back and take a look :)
> 
> thanks again to everyone who commented on the last chapter

 

Peter had been thinking a lot. The memory of sitting behind the school with Adam replayed in his head, trapped under his eyelids. He wasn't sure what Adam said was right, but he liked how the words make him feel.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/161747284@N06/32941105518/in/dateposted-public/)

 

By the end of the school day, Adam's knuckles had been purple, and people had looked at him with a new kind of respect. In their minds, it seemed that Adam had proved he was a Stark. He didn't think Ned had heard about what happened with McKeever, but he suspected MJ had. The girl had given Adam a high five when she passed them in the hall.

 

Over dinner (take away, thank god), May gave him a speculative look. “What’s up?”

 

“What?” asked Peter, having missed the question.

 

“You’re thinking so hard that  _ my _ head is hurting,” she said, gesturing with her fork. “Spill.”

 

“It’s nothing,” said Peter.

 

May shot him a stern look. “We talked about this,” she said, “no secrets. Is it the nightmares?”

 

“No, no, nothing like that,” reassured Peter. “It’s  just \- you know Adam?”

 

“Adam as in Tony’s son? Who you ride to school with every day? Yeah,  I think I’ve heard of him,” teased May.

 

“I was- I don’t know. I guess he’s been on my mind a lot.”

 

“Are you two okay? You said that you we friends,” said May, doe eyes soft with worry.

 

“No, we’re good. It’s nothing bad. I was  just thinking about him, that’s all,” said Peter. He wasn’t sure how to explain it when he didn’t understand it himself.

 

“Oh, okay,” said May, going back to her noodles. Peter watched her, suspicious. May was never one to let things go.  Normally that sort of statement  was met with an interrogation.  Maybe it made more sense to her that it did to Peter.

 

Peter was halfway through his Chem homework, feeling full and sleepy, when his phone rang. He checked the screen -  _ Tony Stank _ , it said. Smiling, Peter answered, “Hey, Mr Stark!”

 

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Tony?”

 

Peter stretched backwards on his bed. “It’s called having respect for you elders.”

 

Tony gasped  dramatically . “ _ Elders? _ How dare- okay, no, we’re getting off track. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

 

“Okay?” said Peter, wary.

 

“So I heard about your, y’know, the bullying situation you’ve got going on,” said Tony, “and I can  totally fix it, it’s not problem. I’m gonna need names, kid.”

 

Peter snapped upright, vision blurring at the movement. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.

 

“It’s nothing to  be embarrassed about, Pete.  Honestly , I don’t know why you didn’t tell me. I’ve got a few suggestions about how you want to go about fixing this, but my personal favourite is-”

 

“How did you find out?” interrupted Peter. His ears were ringing. Tony fell silent. “Tony. Who told you?” Peter wasn’t sure why he was asking; he already knew the answer.

 

“Peter, kiddo, he was  just trying to help, he-”

 

Peter hung up. He thought that if he listened further, he would do something stupid like crush his phone. He sat frozen in place, a storm of emotions in his chest. After a few minutes, one feeling came to the forefront.  _ Betrayal. _ He had asked Adam not to tell Tony.

 

He had trusted Adam.

 

He felt dizzy, like there was no blood left in his skull. He laid back on his bed, staring  blankly up at the ceiling. His phone was ringing, but he didn’t bother checking it. He didn’t think there was anyone he wanted to talk to.

 

He felt almost embarrassed at the strength of the hurt. He had only known Adam a couple of months, and been friends with him even less. So why did he feel like he was drowning?

 

“Peter, I’m making hot cocoa, do you wa- oh.” May swept into the room and folded her arms around Peter, hugging him tight. He wondered how distraught he must look, to warrant that reaction. “What’s wrong baby?”

 

Something about her voice, her familiar smell, made Peters throat close over. He shut his eyes tight.

 

“Peter, honey, you’re worrying me,” she whispered into his curls.

 

“Sorry,” he said.

 

“Don’t be.  Just tell me what I can do,” May said.

 

“I don’t know,” muttered Peter  miserably .

 

“Has something happened?”

 

“...Adam. I- asked him to keep a secret for me.”

 

“And he told?” guessed May, sounding alarmed, “He didn’t tell people about- y’know. Spider-Man?”

 

“No,” Peter shook his head, laughed  humorlessly . “Nothing that important.”

 

May pulled back, tipped his face up so that he would look at her. “Peter. If you’re upset, then it’s important.”

 

Peter felt his eyes well up, and blinked the tears away before May could see them. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” he said.

 

“Okay,” she said, voice soft. “Wanna put some bad 80s movies on? I’ve got ice cream in the freezer.”

 

Peter attempted a smile. “Sure.”

 

The rest of the night  was spent curled on the sofa, making themselves sick and laughing at cheesy dialogue . The heavy feeling over Peter never quite dissipated.

  
  


Peter  barely slept. His brain kept reminding him that he would see Adam in the morning. The thought made Peter’s stomach twist  uncomfortably . He didn’t know how he would react to seeing him, whether he would be able to keep his cool. He  desperately didn’t want Adam to see how hurt he was.

 

At 3am, he made the mistake of checking his phone. He had several missed called, and a handful of texts - not  just from Tony, but from Adam too.  Peter deleted them without reading them, and then spent the next hour panicking that Adam had sent him a  perfectly good explanation which Peter would now never read .  It was around 5am when he finally fell asleep, and when he woke up the next morning he thought he may as well have not slept at all .

 

May had left him breakfast, and a flask of  freshly brewed coffee. Peter smiled  sadly . May must be  really worried, if she was braving the kitchen before work. Peter didn’t eat much of the breakfast - even if it wasn’t the wrong side of crispy, he had no appetite. He appreciated the coffee, though. He would need the caffeine to make it through the day.

 

He considered leaving early, trying to catch the bus before the car arrived, but he didn’t want to worry Happy. Sighing, he sat on the doorstep resigned to his fate.

 

He made a point of greeting Happy like normal. He shouldn’t have to pay for Adam’s mistakes. Once in the car, Adam turned to him  urgently . “Peter,” he said, “please listen. I  know-”

 

That was all Peter heard. He had plugged his headphones in, and was blasting music.

 

In their shared classes, Peter faced forward, and ripped up the note that Adam slipped onto his desk.

 

At lunch, he talked over Adam like he wasn’t even there. After a while, Adam took out a book instead - The Princess Bride - and began reading.

 

Ned frowned, but something on Peter’s face must have warned him not to ask, because he didn’t mention it.

 

By the end of the day, it was like the last month had never happened.

 

It didn’t feel like a victory.


	6. Chapter 6

The last week had been a miserable one. Peter was overly aware of Adam at all times. Adam was still sitting next to him at lunch, but he had given up trying to talk to Peter. Peter sometimes found himself disappointed at how easily Adam had given up, but he knew that wasn't fair. Peter hadn't given him a chance to explain. He was starting to regret that choice, but he wasn't ready to break the silence between them. Sometimes he would accidentally catch the boys eyes, and his gut would burn with betrayal all over again. Peter had never known that eye contact could feel so significant. 

He knew it wasn't fair on his friends, either. Ned was left in the awkward position of trying to keep their group together. He still spoke to Adam, but it felt stilted, with Ned glancing guiltily at Peter. He didn't mind that Ned was still friends with Adam. But he wasn't sure how to tell Ned without prompting a conversation on what had happened between Adam and him.

If MJ was bothered by all the drama, she didn't show it. But then, MJ seemed to float above high school pettiness. 

 

Before long, Saturday rolled around, and with it his plans to visit the Avengers compound. Peter considered trying to cancel, but couldn't think of an excuse that would convince Tony. Besides, Adam got Tony the rest of the week; Peter wasn't going to give up his time with Tony.

The ride over was okay, though he could tell that Happy was dying to ask what had happened between him and Adam. Their ride to school had returned to the silent affair that it had been at the beginning.

Peter was pleased to see Sam on his way to the workshop. “Hey, Spider-Kid!”

Scratch that. Sam sucked.

“It's Spider-Man. Man,” emphasised Peter.

“I'll call you Spider-Man when you're out of high school,” said Sam, ruffling the kids hair. Peter shook him off, careful to be gentle. Sam was a cool guy, but he was very human, and therefore very fragile. 

“I’ll call you Falcon when you can talk to birds,” countered Peter.

“Oh, a bird joke, that’s original,” Sam drawled. He started walking, turning to call, “Hey, you know where to find me if you need to talk.”

“Sure,” said Peter, bemused by the sudden turn in conversation. 

“See you later, Spider-Kid.”

He could hear quiet chatter from the workshop, but it was cut quiet when he entered. Tony was at a terminal, playing with some code. Adam sat on the workbench. His legs were crossed underneath him, and he was wearing the huge blue hoodie that always made him look smaller than he was. 

“Hey, Pete,” said Tony, “come look at this.”

“Hi.” Peter approached, trying to gauge Adam’s expression without looking directly at him.

“So I'm trying to generate a more secure hashing algorithm, in case someone gets through the firewall, and…”

Adam looked tired, thought Peter. He only wore that hoodie when he was tired or sad. He wondered why Adam was even in the lab, knowing that Peter would be there. Was he deliberately trying to sabotage his time with Tony?

Or did he miss Peter as much as Peter missed him?

“... and you’re not listening at all. Peter? Spider-Man!”

“What?” said Peter, startled. 

Tony rolled his eyes. “Why do I bother?”

“Sorry, Mr Stark.”

“Sure, whatever,” Tony grumbled, “if you’re not going to pay attention, how about I give you kids a tour of the new wing instead?”

“Yeah, okay,” said Peter. Adam said nothing, but he unfolded his legs, dropping back to the floor.

The trio meandered through the familiar halls of Avengers HQ. Tony was rambling about how they were expanding, now that the Avengers all together again. They had a new gym - Peter couldn’t resist a quick crawl up the slanting rock wall. He couldn’t wait until he could spar with the Avengers in here. Then Tony showed them into a new room, large and empty of furniture, with a glass wall exposing them to the grass and trees surrounding the compound. Peter didn’t notice until too late that Tony hadn’t entered with them. The man reached out and pressed a hidden panel, and the door slid shut with a hiss.

“Tony?” said Adam.

Tony grinned, mischievous, through the window in the door. “The two of you are in time-out,” he explained, “until you’ve sorted things out.”

“What?” cried Peter, appalled. And his spidey-sense hadn’t even warned him of Tony’s betrayal.

“Talk, and I’ll let you out. And don’t bother trying to break the glass, kid. This room was built to contain the Hulk.”

Peter ground his teeth. He was fuming. How was this any of Tony’s business, anyway? Tony chuckled and pranced off, probably to gloat to the other Avengers. Damn it.

“So,” said Adam, “are you ready to listen to me now?”

“No,” said Peter, petulant. With a huff, he sat down, leaning against the wall. Adam sat down too, although he left space between them. Peter was reminded of that day behind the school. He had felt so warm, listening to Adam. He hated that Adam had ruined that.

“I am sorry that I hurt you,” said Adam, “but if I could go back, I would still tell Tony.”

“What the fuck, Adam?” yelled Peter. “That isn’t an apology! Why can’t you just admit that you messed up?”

Adam shook his head, a sad smile on his face. “You don’t get it.”

“You’re damn right, I don’t get it,” said Peter. “That was my problem, not Tony’s! I didn’t want him to know! And I trusted you not to tell him!”

“Were you going to do anything differently?” asked Adam.

“Do what differently?”

“Next time some asshole was bullying you,” said Adam, “Would you have stood up to them? Would you have told someone about it? Asked for help?”

“That- that isn’t relevant,” said Peter.

“Not relevant? That’s the whole damn point!” said Adam hotly. “Look, I didn’t expect you to change your entire behaviour when I told you that you shouldn't allow them to bully you. And that’s fine. But I wasn’t going to leave you to go through it alone. Tony can help you, more than I can.”

“I don’t need help. I’m- I’m Spider-Man!”

“Everyone needs help, Peter,” murmured Adam, the fight gone out of him. “Even Spider-Man.”

“I don’t want help,” said Peter, stubborn. His hands were balled into fists.

Adam paused, frowning to himself. Peter wished he would get angry, yell back at him. Anything other that this careful concern. 

“I know you don't,” sighed Adam. “But you have it anyway. Do you know how lucky that makes you?”

Peter felt Adam’s words like a physical blow. Suddenly, like a door being opened to him, he could see himself through Adam’s eyes. A boy, powerful but afraid. Cared for, loved, and yet alone. Letting himself get hurt so that others might think him strong. If you cared about someone like that boy... wouldn’t you do everything in your power to stop him from getting trampled over?

Peter stood, stepping across the space dividing them, and sat at Adams side. He tilted until his head rested on his friends shoulder. Adam was so still, barely breathing. “I’m still mad,” said Peter, but it was belied by the way he pushed himself closer. He felt Adam shift, wrapping an arm around him. “But thank you.”

“What for?” asked Adam, breath ghosting over Peter’s face.

“For caring.”

Adam squeezed Peter closer. “Any time,” he said, a smile in his voice.

They jumped apart at the mechanical hiss of the door. “Sorry to interrupt,” said Steve, “but Tony just came into the kitchen, bragging about having captured two teenagers?”

“Thanks, Steve,” laughed Adam. 

“Actually, could you… give us a minute?” said Peter shyly.

Steve looked between the two of them with a knowing look. “Sure.”

Peter waited until Steve was out of earshot. “I just wanted to say that, uh. I care about you too.”

Adam smiled, and Peter thought he saw his ears redden. “Thank you,” he said

“And I’m sorry if you…” Peter paused, searching for the right words. “I know not everyone is so lucky to have someone caring about them. If you were one of those people… I just wanted you to know that you’re not. Not anymore.” 

Adam swallowed, the noise too loud in the heavy silence. “I wasn’t… I used to. My mom, she cares, but she couldn’t always look after me. I was in and out of the system a lot. I got a lot of shit in school, when I was younger. I just- I know what it’s like, to not have anyone to turn to.”

Peter dared to reach out, taking Adam’s hand in his. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. There were good times too,” he said.

“Where’s she now? Your mom?”

“Prison,” said Adam, his voice flat. “Her asshole boyfriend had her dealing for him.”

Peter wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he just gave Adam’s hand a tight squeeze. 

“I think that’s why she finally told me who my dad was,” mused Adam. “Before that, she didn’t want him to take me away, y’know? But she knew that she wouldn’t get me back this time.”

“Are you happier now?” asked Peter, half whispered.

“Yeah,” said Adam. “I still love my mom. But yes.”

“I’m glad I got the chance to meet you,” said Peter. 

“Me too,” said Adam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments feed my soul


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added some art to chapters 3 and 5, so if you read those chapters before 20/01/18 you might want to go back and take a look!
> 
> special thanks to Rowandre, who inspired this chapter!

 

 

Peter found that his friendship with Adam had grown stronger, despite their fight. He finally felt that he understood Adam. The pair were spending more time together than ever.  Adam often joined Ned and Peter when they were hanging out, the group of them falling together  naturally .

 

Weeks fell past them with ease. Peter felt… happy. School was no longer the stressful affair it had been. The bullying had all but stopped altogether. Peter wasn’t sure why, but he thought he’d rather not know. He suspected Tony had a hand in it. He still sometimes got glares from kids like McKeever, but they never sent so much as a harsh word his way.  Flash and his friends were almost pleasant to him, although he thought that was  just  a result of how close him and Adam had become .

 

Plus, it was a relief to have someone else around who knew Peter’s secret identity. Adam was always happy to cover for him when he needed to duck out for some Spider-Man related emergency.

 

  Despite what Peter had thought when he first heard about Adam, Peter found himself spending even more time around Tony than usual  .  Adam often invited him back to the Avengers compound, even for mundane things like to study together  . It was pleasant to not be the only kid in the compound, and Peter felt more at home when they spent time with the Avengers. In turn, Peter had taken to inviting his friend to his home.  May had immediately loved Adam - although  really  , May adored anyone who made Peter happy, and Adam was  firmly  in that category  .  He had introduced Adam to some of his favourite places, like Delmar’s Deli, which had reopened since the homecoming debacle .

 

 

Everything was peaceful.

 

Naturally , that couldn’t last long.

 

 

 

Peter was at school when the story hit the news. The sideways glances and whispers were the first  indication  that something was wrong. Then his phone started blowing up.

 

Tony Stank (14:17):     Hey Underoos, any comment on this?

                                   [www.nbcnews.com/lifestyle/tonystark/starksonnewboyriend-n78937](http://www.nbcnews.com/lifestyle/tonystark/starksonnewboyriend-n78937)

 

 

Guyinthechair (14:18):  dude, might wanna check this out:

                                    www.[ edition.cnn.com/style/article/adam-starks-boyfriend/index.html ](https://edition.cnn.com/style/article/adam-starks-boyfriend/index.html)

 

Adam (14:20):   So

                         Have you seen it?

 

 

Glancing up to check the teacher wasn’t looking, he pressed the first link.

 

_Tony Stark’s son Adam photographed with alleged Boyfriend_ , the headline said. Underneath were a couple of photos. The two of them, walking down the street by Peter’s. In one, Adam’s hand rested on Peter’s shoulder. Peter was laughing.

 

Peter was so screwed.

 

The next few hours passed by like a fever dream. The kids in his classes stared  unabashedly  . Even some of his teachers seemed to look at him a little long. He saw Adam, but they didn’t get a chance to talk,  just  shared embarrassed glances.

 

He didn’t process a thing that his teachers said. His thoughts raced, but didn’t seem to go anywhere. He couldn’t believe that his face was in international news, not as Spider-Man, but as himself. Was his identity safe? Would this make it easier to connect him to his alter-ego?  No, people already knew about his ‘internship’, and they went to the same school; there was no reason to think they had any other connection .

 

He wondered who had taken the photos. They had given the paparazzi plenty of opportunities, Peter realised. He hadn’t even thought about it, walking around in public with Adam. Neither of them  were used  to the celebrity lifestyle.

 

The whole thing had set Peter on edge.

 

 

The end of the day came around fast. When Peter and Adam spotted each other, both heading towards Happy’s car, they both froze up for a second. Then Adam burst out laughing, and the moment  was broken .

 

When the two were close enough to talk, Adam said, “Hi.”

 

“Hey,” said Peter.

 

When they got to the car, Adam opened Peter’s door for him.  It was something Adam did a lot, and Peter never thought twice about it, about how it would  be perceived by  people around him . He muttered his thanks, blushing as he got in the car.

 

“Hey, Peter, Adam. Or, should I say… Petam?” said Happy, gleeful.

 

Adam snorted. “How long have you been waiting to say that one?”

 

“Since your new relationship status hit the news,” said Happy, the car pulling out of the parking lot.

 

Peter felt weird. Happy and Adam were laughing together, so casual about the whole thing. Why couldn’t Peter be like that? Instead, he felt all twisted up.

 

“Peter?”

 

“Huh?” said Peter, having lost track of the conversation.

 

“You’re being quiet. Are you okay?” Happy asked.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” blustered Peter.

 

“Is this about the news article? I’m sorry if it’s made you uncomfortable,” said Adam, voice soft.

 

“No, no, it’s fine. Who cares what everyone else thinks, right?”

 

“Exactly,” said Adam, sounding relieved. “We both know that it’s not like that. Anyway, everyone will forget about soon enough.”

 

“Yeah, sure,” said Peter. He wasn’t sure why Adams words stung. They were  just  friends, after all.

 

 

 

When May got home from work, she dropped her keys and swept over to Peter. He was sat on the couch, watching the news  obsessively  . It must be a slow news day, because they  were featured  a lot.  They had people coming on, discussing whether Tony was okay with having a gay son, whether the Avengers supported LGBT rights  . It was all such personal stuff,  being dissected  on national TV. It made his chest hurt.

 

May pulled him into a tight hug. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” said Peter, although he knew it sounded wooden.

 

“It’s okay if you're not,” May told him.

 

“It’s fine,” Peter insisted.

 

“Peter…” May sounded  unusually  hesitant. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but… are you and Adam…?”

 

“What? May! No!” squawked Peter.

 

“I  just  didn’t want to assume-”

 

“We’re  just  friends!”

 

“Okay, okay,” said May. “That’s fine. But you know, if you did like him that way, that would be okay too.”

 

Peter looked up  sharply . “Why’d you say that?”

 

May smiled. “I don’t want you to ever have to worry about stuff like that. I wanted to make it clear that if you did like boys, it wouldn’t matter. I love you, no matter what, okay?”

 

Peter found himself  embarrassingly  close to tears. He couldn’t find any words, and he wasn’t sure that anything would come out if he tried.

 

  
[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/161747284@N06/39860091033/in/dateposted-public/)

 

“Pete? Honey?” May ducked her head, looking him in the eyes.

 

The photos popped back up on the screen. Adam, tall and beautiful, with his soft blue eyes. His hair had grown out of its short crop, and had revealed dark curls. In the photos he smiled at Peter, watching him laugh. Peter felt warm, the way he always did when he saw that smile.

 

“I- I don’t know.  Maybe  -” Peter drew in a shaky breath. “I’ve never  really  thought about it before.”

 

“Okay.  I mean, you don’t have to, you know, put a label on yourself or your feelings,” said May, stroking his back like she did when he was little and got sick or cried .

 

“Right. Yeah,” said Peter.

 

“It’ll all work out. You’ll see.”

 

 

Peter went out on patrol that evening, needing to feel the freedom of swinging across the city.  Stopping crimes, helping people, it cleared his head, gave himself something to focus on. When things lulled, he climbed up to a high rooftop, taking in the lights of the city. His heartbeat slowed. His problems seemed a lot smaller from up here.

 

He figured he should  probably  reply to the texts he had received.

 

 

To: Guyinthechair (21:04): yeah, i saw. Weird.

 

Guyinthechair (21:06): u ok?

 

To: Guyinthechair (21:07): i will be.  Just  gave me some stuff to think about

 

Guyinthechair (21:07): ok. let me know if i caan help. Love u

 

To: Guyinthechair (21:08): ly2

 

 

The conversation left Peter feeling shaky, but somehow calmer. Something about Ned being chill about it made Peter feel like this was all  just  a normal maybe-crush.

 

Bolstered, he shot Tony a text.

 

 

To: Tony Stank (21:10): You should know better than to trust the media, Mr Stark.

 

 

 

In typical Old Person fashion, Tony called him rather than replying by text. Peter groaned, but resigned himself to having this conversation, and answered the call.

 

“Hi, Mr Stark.”

 

“So,” drawled Tony, “Adam’s already told me that you guys are totes platonic. I’m devastated,  naturally .”

 

“Oh. You- you wanted us to be dating?” questioned Peter, hoping that his voice sounded casual.

 

“Well, it would be pretty convenient. You could be my son-in-law!”

 

Peter laughed, although even to his own ears it sounded stiff. “ I think  we’re a bit young for that.”

 

“Ugh, you kids ruin all my fun,” teased Tony. “Anyway, shouldn’t you be swinging home? It’s a school night, you’ll miss your curfew again.”

 

Peter checked the time. “Crap, thanks, Tony! Bye!”

 

“See you later, kid,” said Tony, voice warm.

 

 

Peter felt wrung out by time he got home. He said goodnight to May and went to bed. He had plenty to think about, but it could wait until tomorrow. For now, he  just  wanted to sleep.

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

 

 

From that day on, Peter felt that he had an extra layer of awareness. He wasn’t surprised that people had assumed they were dating. Peter had always been a tactile guy, but with Adam, the two of them seemed to orbit around each other, never too far away. Adam never wasted an excuse to reach out and touch Peter. Their friendship was different to anything he had ever experienced. 

Frequently , Ned looked at him with unsaid words. He could see that his friend was dying to ask about him and Adam, but Ned was being  unusually tactful. He wondered how long that would last. 

Adam seemed oblivious to Peter’s occupation. He  was unbothered by the extra attention that the rumours had caused. In all fairness, not much had changed for him.  No one was brave enough to approach Adam, whereas Peter couldn’t go an hour without some kid asking him whether they were dating . He was getting tired of it, especially when saying no somehow felt like a disappointment. 

Peter couldn’t lie to himself; his feelings towards Adam weren’t  strictly platonic. He tried to compare his feelings to how he had felt about Liz, but it wasn’t the same. Liz had been beautiful, but unknown. He had had genuine romantic feelings for her, but in retrospect, he  barely knew her. With Adam, it was different. He knew his strengths, his fears, his loves. Peter knew all that, and it all made Peter respect him more. His feelings ran deep. He wasn’t  just a crush, he was a friend too. He was important. 

And it scared him.

He had so much more to lose. If Adam didn’t feel the same, if he lost his friendship… it would be devastating. It wouldn’t  just be Adam that could  be affected . Things with Tony could sour. He could lose his place in the Avengers compound. He didn’t want to go back to being alone.

Peter wasn’t arrogant enough to assume that Adam would return his feelings. 

He had also been putting some thought into what it meant for Peter. He had never had a crush on a boy before. He hadn’t ever  really thought about it. He thought he should be more freaked out than he was, but the fact that Adam was a guy was the least of his worries. Peter knew that May and Tony and his friends would be supportive, and that was all that mattered to him. He wondered if he should be coming out? He didn’t want to make a big deal of it, but he didn’t need another secret either. And what would he even come out as? Bisexual? Pansexual? The label didn’t seem important to him, but he knew that it was a question he would get a lot, if he did come out as queer.

He wondered what Uncle Ben would have said. Now he would never get to find out. 

(He shoved that thought away, and was careful not to think about it again.)

 

In the meantime, Peter and Adam still spent their free time together. When they visited the Avengers compound, they endured teasing from the team. Adam laughed  easily . Peter hoped no one noticed the way his laugh came a little too  slowly .

Peter had started to believe that these would be the only consequences of their newfound fame . Unfortunately, that wasn’t true.

The pair were on their way to Delmar’s when the back of Peter’s neck tingled. For a moment, Peter dismissed it as the usual nerves he had felt around Adam since realising his crush. That hesitation cost him. Peter felt a sharp pain at the back of his head, and then- 

Nothing.

 

* * *

  


Peter’s head hurt. He was cold, the surface underneath him hard. The foggy feeling of a concussion was too familiar to Peter.

Something was wrong.

Peter didn’t open his eyes, not wanting his captors to know that he was awake. Instead, he focussed his hearing. Adam's breathing was the closest sound. It reverberated in the small space. There was silence from three sides.  From the fourth, there were sounds from several people, noise overlapping and making it difficult to parse . He counted at least seven men,  maybe more. Footsteps echoed. 

Did they know he was Spider-Man? He hadn’t been wearing the suit, or his web shooters. It was possible that Adam was the true target. If so, they had an advantage.

Adam’s breathing was  gently picking up, signifying that he would soon wake. Peter risked opening his eyes. 

Peter’s heart sunk. They were in a cell. Bars separated them from their kidnappers. 

A few of the men glanced over, noting that Peter was awake, but none seemed interested in him. Peter crawled over to Adam. The other boy didn’t seem injured, other than a needle prick on his neck.  Peter supposed that they had  been prepared to capture Adam, and Peter had  just been a bonus, a potential tool to threaten the other boy with . 

Adam groaned  quietly . Peter pulled him up, cushioning Adam’s head on his thighs and brushing a hand through his curls. He didn’t have to wait long until Adam’s eyelids fluttered open, eyes focussing with difficulty. “Peter?” he slurred. “Where‘re we?”

“I don’t know,” whispered Peter. “They knocked me out. We’re in a cell somewhere.”

Adam’s eyes widened, pupils dilating. “Have they hurt you?” His hand  shakily reached to where blood was drying in Peter’s hair.

“I’m fine,” Peter said. “It’s not me they were targeting.” Peter raised his eyebrows, and Adam gave a brief nod; he understood that Spider-Man was still a secret.

They  were interrupted then by one of the men declaring, “The boy’s awake. Time to contact Stark.”

Peter felt a little relief at this; Tony wouldn't rest until they  were found . The sooner that he knew they were in trouble, the better. One man stepped forward with a camera. Peter raised his chin, looking  boldly into the lens. He wanted Tony to know that they were okay, not wanting him to panic. He needed Tony to be tactical about this. Peter might be able to fight his way out if things went awry, but Adam was vulnerable, and these men had guns. One stray bullet would be enough.

They presumably sent the photos, as only a couple of minutes later a phone began to ring. When it  was answered , Tony’s voice came through. Peter’s hearing was sensitive enough to make out, “Who are you, and what do you want?”

“We want the asset back,” the man replied. 

“Hydra?” questioned Tony. 

Peter felt fear creep in, cold. He knew Hydra were dangerous, but he had never dealt with them before. He had heard stories, though.  After the Triskellion went down, and the files dumped on the internet, gruesome tales had passed around, detailing the sick things Hydra had done to achieve their goals . He saw how Bucky had worked to recover from his ordeal at their hands. These men wouldn’t hesitate to hurt them. Adam squeezed Peter’s hand, giving him a curious look. Peter wondered what he saw in his expression. 

Peter mouthed  _Hydra_.  Adam paled.

“We will trade you the boys for the Winter Soldier. Bring him to our location, and soon, or we will have to find a new way of motivating you. Trust me when I say, your son won’t enjoy that.”

And then the man hung up. 

From then on, it was a waiting game. Peter wished they had given a time frame. How long was  _soon?_ He thought they had  probably done this on purpose, to leave the fear of them hurting Adam hanging over Tony’s head. Unfortunately, it had the same effect on Peter. With every second that passed, he waited to see if it would finally be too long. Thoughts on what they could do to them left Peter sweating. 

Peter would volunteer himself in Adam’s place, if he could. Peter was familiar with pain, he could get through it. Adam was innocent. He couldn’t bare to let him get hurt. Besides, Peter had a healing factor, he would survive things that could kill Adam. But then… What if Hydra noticed how fast he was healing? What if they discovered his abilities, his identity? Would they kill him, neutralise the threat? Or exploit him? Could they mould him into their new asset? The thought made Peter’s heart stutter. 

Time seemed to stretch and distort around them. There were no windows, nothing to  indicate time passing. He could tell it was getting to Adam, who had begun pacing the cell.  Peter wanted to stop him, worried it would draw attention, but didn’t want to add to the tension he could feel building .

All too soon, the man who had spoken to Tony got to his feet. “That’s enough. Let’s have some fun, see if that speeds things up.” Peter tensed, rolling to his feet, placing himself in front of Adam.  He could feel Adam shift his weight,  clearly not happy with this arrangement, but sensible enough not to argue it .

“Can we get some of that new stuff from the labs?” asked the same man, who Peter thought was  probably in charge. 

Another man asked, “Sir?”

His boss replied, “I was thinking we could put on a bit of a show. I doubt it will be fatal, a kid his size.” Peter didn’t like the sound of that. Why the hell was this man risking killing Adam, his leverage? Was this man  really so bloodthirsty?

Understanding dawned in the soldiers eyes. “Yes sir,” he said, scrambling through the doors. 

A camera was being set up - they were going to record this, thought Peter. They wanted Tony to see every painful second.

The soldier had returned with a few vials of a  violently yellow liquid, and something Peter thought was a tranquilizer gun . The man set it up with  proficiency that spoke of experience. What were they going to dose Adam with? Something  simply painful? Or something more sinister?

The man raised the gun, and Peter positioned himself more  fully in front of Adam. He heard the other boy whisper his name, almost  pleadingly , but didn’t dare turn around.

The man in charge raised an eyebrow. “So willing to risk your life for the Stark boy? How noble,” he noted.

Then, a sudden flare of his spidey sense. Peter held still. A sharp sting sounded from his arm. A dart had embedded itself there. Dazed, he pulled it out, dropping it to the ground.

“Unfortunately,” the man continued, “Adam wasn’t the target of this particular serum.”

“What?” croaked Adam, sounding close to tears. “What have you done to him?”

The voice sounded far away when the superior agent replied, “Something we’ve been testing.  It has a profound suppressing effect on the activity of the prefrontal cortex, whilst antagonising the limbic system . In short, it instils the subject with uninhibited rage.”

Peter was finding it hard to process these words, but when it hit, he felt pure horror.  Uninhibited rage.  Adam would be his only available victim. They were going to make him hurt Adam, and they didn’t know what he was capable of, how strong he was. He wasn’t  just some nerdy teenager from Queens; he was Spider-Man. 

He would kill him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to yell at me for this


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost at the end now guys!
> 
> this chapter is a heavy one. warning for violence and vomiting.

 

Peter scrambled to the corner of the cell, as far from Adam as he could get. He knew it was futile. He could feel the concoction of chemicals in his bloodstream, and knew it wouldn’t be long now.

“Peter?”

“Stay there, stay back,” said Peter, holding out a shaking hand to ward him off.

Peter felt himself growing fuzzy. He could feel the Hydra agents watching them, gleeful, and felt anger build at the injustice of him. It scared him. Was this genuine anger, or the serum starting to take effect?

“Peter, please, let me-” begged Adam, stepping towards Peter. 

“I told you to stay there!” yelled Peter. Adam stepped back, eyes fearful. Peter clamped his jaw shut. “Fuck. Adam. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.  Just , please, stay with me,” said Adam.

“I don’t think I can,” grit out Peter. He could feel it now, the rage bubbling up inside him like an overflowing sink. His muscles tensed, the need to strike out overwhelming him. He tried to fight it, but that bled into anger when he couldn’t fight back. Anger at his own inability to control himself. A sob burst out of him, and then a scream, the sound raw and pained. 

His vision ran red. He couldn’t focus on the specifics, the faces around him becoming unfamiliar. His heart was racing, beating out of his chest. He grunted, hitting his knuckles against the concrete floor. The feeling was satisfying, so he did it again. When his knuckles bled, it felt like a small release.

There was a noise, close to him, repeating words that held no meaning to Peter. It was overwhelming, pressing against his ears like tinnitus. He wanted it to stop.

He looked up, searching for the source. There was a boy there, looking at him, watching him. Irritation rose up in him, hands shaking. Pounding his fist against the floor didn’t feel enough anymore. He wanted reaction. He wanted  _ blood . _

Peter pounced, launching himself at the boy. His momentum toppled them, and Peter landed on top, crouching over him. He raised a fist. He felt strength coursing through him, and knew that he could crush this boy, beat him to a bloody pulp. 

And yet, he hesitated. 

Maybe it was the way that he had made no move to fight back.  Maybe it was the way he looked at him, eyes sad, but not for himself. It wasn’t the reaction he wanted. 

In that moment of hesitation, the boy underneath him surged up and pressed his lips to Peter’s. The touch was soft, urgent, but held no violence.

It felt like absolution. 

Peter drew in a breath, eyes wide. A word escaped him, as if  forcibly wrenched from his mouth. _“_ _ Adam.” _

He leapt away from his friend, his almost-victim. Peter whimpered, clutching his head. What was he doing?

Sounds of surprise reached him, from the men outside of the cell.  Hydra.  They had tried to make him hurt Adam. He had pushed Adam down, made him afraid, and it was there fault. His fury returned with force, enough to knock the air from his lungs. He would kill them for this. 

He stepped forward to the bars of the cell, reaching with intent. The agent in charge looked at him with mild confusion, but no fear. Not yet. 

Peter grasped the bars  tightly , and pulled, channelling his wrath. The metal bent and stretched under his hands. He heard cries of shock, but spent no time wondering about them. He growled under his breath as the opening widened, enough for his small frame slip through. He stood, free from constraints, looked around at his prey and smiled. 

Guns whipped up towards him, but Peter was faster, his spider sense warning him before the men had even aimed. He flew through the air with precision, knocking weapons away.  He had no reason the restrain himself, so he didn’t bother, delivering fatal blows when the opportunity arose . His anger fueled him, and he fought with a deadly grace. 

When the men were all disarmed, broken, dead or unconscious on the floor, he saw their boss turn and flee, terrified of his own creation . Peter grabbed him, smashed his face into the wall - once, twice - until he was bloody and moaning. He let the man slump down, dribbling blood onto the floor. 

Peter was breathing  heavily , not from exertion, but from the thrill of it. He felt high on his victory, the smell of blood heavy in the air.  His knuckles were bloody and bruised, but he could feel none of it, the buzz of satisfaction drowning out any pain .

“Peter?”

He turned. The boy had followed him out of the cell. Around where he stood, bodies lay, crumpled on the floor like litter. Peter felt a strange sensation looking at this, like the boy didn’t belong there. He cocked his head, frowning.

“Peter, it’s Adam.”

Adam. Yes. His friend. His lips tingled where he had kissed him. Adam.

Adam said, “I need you to come back to me, Peter.” The statement confused him. He hadn’t gone anyway, had he? He stood only a few feet apart from Adam. 

The boy was crying, he noticed. Tears ran down his cheeks, left his skin glowing under the artificial lights. Peter stepped forward, but hesitated, torn between warring instincts. Part of him hissed that he should strike the boy now, add to the bleeding bodies he had left behind.  Another, growing part of him pleaded to move closer, to touch Adam  gently , to whisper hushed words until the tears stopped . He froze, not sure which need would take over if he got too close.

But then Adam chose for him, stepping closer as if he hadn’t  witnessed a slaughter, trusting, too trusting. His arms wrapped around Peter,  terrifyingly breakable.

Peter sunk, like his strings had  been cut . Adam lowered them down  tenderly , kneeling down so that Peter could stay in his arms. He rocked them  gently as his tears dripped onto Peter’s collar.  Peter closed his eyes, confused by the emotions that had begun to return to him, feelings other than anger and sick violence . 

When Peter finally opened his eyes again, it was like seeing for the first time. The floor  was splattered with blood, as were his hands. A man’s body lay close by, eyes open but unseeing. Yet, Peter felt like he was looking at him, seeing, judging.  _ You did this,  _ his eyes accused. A thin, keening noise escaped Peter. What had he done? God,  _ what had he done? _

Adam pulled him tighter. “It’s okay,” he chanted, “it’s over, it’s okay.”

Peter saw the way the blood that covered Peter had rubbed off on Adam. The sight nauseated him. He wrenched himself away, heaving. Adam rubbed his back as he vomited, tears spilling.  When it was over, he gasped for breath, and Adam pulled him away, away from the gore and the contents of his stomach, towards the edge of the room . As if it made a difference. As if the corpses might disappear with a little distance.

Peter sobbed, and felt guilty for his own tears. He was the one who killed these men, what right did he have to cry over it? He should be comforting Adam, not the other way around. He  was supposed to be stronger than this. And yet, he continued to bawl  messily on Adam’ shoulder.

It took a long time for Peter to cry himself out, convulsive gasps quieting, breaths slowing. When he finally stopped, he didn’t move from his spot. He didn’t want to see the carnage around him.

They were still curled around each other when the Avengers arrived, the familiar sound of Tony’s repulsors alerting them of their rescue . Peter could hear their gasps when they arrived at the scene, but no one said a word.  Tony’s footsteps approached, and Peter’s enhanced hearing tracked his movements as he touched Adam’s cheek, as if making sure he was real . Then, his hand on Peter’ shoulder. He held still. He wanted Tony closer, but at the same time wanted him nowhere near him, as if he might contaminate Tony. The hand  was withdrawn , and Peter tried not to feel disappointed. 

Peter knew he would have to move, but the idea felt impossible, like he might shatter. 

Then, the ground shifted underneath him. He felt Adam brace himself and lift them up, taking a shaky step towards the exit. Peter wrapped his legs around the boys waist, allowing himself to  be carried out like a child. He kept his eyes closed.

Even on the jet, Adam allowed him to stay like that, until  eventually he fell asleep to the roar of the engine and the steady beat of Adam’s heart . 


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

Peter awoke with the vague sense that he had been asleep for a long time. 

 

As consciousness returned, Peter wished for more sleep. He wasn't ready to face up to what happened. He didn't think he ever would be. Unfortunately, it seemed that he was awake for good, and no amount of pretending to sleep would change what he had done.

 

Opening his eyes, he found that he was being observed. Tony was sat close. The bags under his eyes were darker than usual. Peter didn't think he had slept for a while. “Hey, kid,” said Tony. The familiar words felt like a slap, a mocking reminder of what he stood to lose. 

 

Peter noted the absence in the room. “Adam?”

 

“He wanted to stay,” said Tony, “but I made him go to bed.” That stung, but it was understandable. Peter wouldn't want his child hanging around with a monster like him. 

 

Peter swallowed noisily. “I want you to take the suit back,” he said. He knew it was the right thing to do. If he couldn't control himself, he shouldn't be Spider-Man. He had put on the mask to save people. If giving it up what what he had to do to save them from himself… then that was what he would do.

 

Tony’s eyebrows pulled towards each other. He said, “Peter, that isn’t something that has to be decided today. You can take a few days, think it over.”

 

Peter shook his head. “There’s nothing to think over. I can’t be Spider-Man anymore.”

 

“If you-”

 

“Where’s May?” interrupted Peter.

Tony took a few moments, watching Peter with an unreadable expression, before speaking. “I sent her to go have breakfast, she’s with the team.”

 

“Okay,” Peter said, “I’ll go find her.” He pulled himself out of bed, careful not to look at where the bruises were yellowing on his fist.

 

“Hey, slow down, there’s no hurry,” said Tony, reaching out to steady him. Peter flinched away.

 

“It’s okay, I’m fine,” said Peter. He tried not to show how off balance he felt. He wasn’t sure whether it was the after effects of the drug, or if maybe he just needed to eat. 

 

He walked out of the room without looking back. 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/161747284@N06/31920910727/in/dateposted-public/)

  
  


When Peter reached the kitchen, he realised that in his haste to flee from Tony, he hadn’t considered that he would face the rest of team. He walked in with more confidence than he felt, his entire being focussed on May, who sat pushing bacon around her plate. 

 

“May,” said Peter, rushing forward. She turned and stood, practically launching herself at Peter. He staggered with the force of it.

 

“Baby, I was so worried, God,” she whispered into his shoulder.

 

Peter whispered back, “I’m okay. I just want to go home.”

 

“Okay,” she said, turning to face the team. “Thank you. For bringing him back. I think it’s time for us to go home now.”

 

“Of course,” said Steve. “He’s part of the team.” Peter wondered how long it would be until they found out that he wasn’t, not anymore. 

 

The ride home was a long one. Happy had greeted them cheerfully, as if nothing had changed. Peter couldn’t bring himself to pretend.

 

When they reached their apartment, Peter only had one question for May: “Did they tell you what happened?”

 

“Adam told me. I… I’m so sorry,” she murmured. 

“Right,” he said. He wished she didn't know. He was terrified that he might see fear in her eyes.

 

“Is there anything I can do?”

 

“I’m tired. I think I’ll go to bed,” he said. 

  
  


He stayed in bed for a long time. He knew it was cowardly, to pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist, but what else should he do? New York didn’t need Peter Parker. It needed Spider-Man, and that wasn’t him anymore. 

 

When school came around, he begged May to call him in sick. She obliged, brushing his hair back with sad eyes. He knew he was worrying her, but he couldn’t find anything but apathy towards to situation. 

 

He kept his phone off, not wanting to talk to anyone. May had to remind him to eat, to shower. Without a schedule, time had become meaningless. The only constant was the nightmares, which woke him every time he attempted to sleep. He thought he was used to nightmares, after his fight with Toomes, and Thanos, but he had never experienced terror like this. He woke shaking and confused. After the first night, he begged May not to come in if she heard screaming. He was scared that he might hurt her, lash out in his disorientated state. He knew it pained her, but when she saw the panic attacks he suffered at just the thought of hurting her, she agreed not to try to wake him. 

 

She often pleaded with him to talk to her. He knew he never would. He didn’t know how much Adam had told her, but he didn’t want to scare her away. Besides, he could barely think of what he had done, the pain he had caused. He pushed it down to the darkest corner of himself, and left it to rot there. 

  
  


He wasn’t sure how many days he stayed there before he received a visitor. Peter was in bed, dozing in a place of half-wakefulness, not allowing himself to sleep, but too fatigued to focus. May must have let him in. Adam slipped into Peter’s room, like he had done it a million times. “Adam?” gasped Peter, half convinced he was dreaming. 

 

Adam kicked his shoes off. “Shove over.”

 

In a state of total shock, Peter shuffled over, allowing just enough space for Adam to squeeze into bed next to him. It should have sparked panic, but Peter felt more grounded than he had since…

 

“What are you doing here?” questioned Peter.

 

“You weren’t answering my texts,” said Adam, as if it was that simple. He wrapped an arm around Peter, an echo of that day. 

 

“I’m sorry,” whispered Peter.

 

“Don’t,” said Adam, “Don’t apologise. You haven’t done anything wrong.” Peter felt the prickle of tears at Adams words. He rolled away onto his side; Adam had seen him cry enough. The other boy just turned to him, undeterred, and pressed his face into the back of Perter’s neck.

 

“I killed them,” said Peter.

 

“Peter,” said Adam, voice shaking, “God, Peter, they- You weren’t yourself. They had drugged you-”

 

“No. I was still myself enough not to kill you, so… so I should have stopped myself from killing them.”

 

Adam took a shuddering breath. “Can’t you see? How incredible you are? Anyone else would have killed me. Instead you- You saved me. You saved us, Peter.”

 

Peter swallowed. “I never wanted to kill anyone.”

 

“I know. I’m so sorry,” said Adam.

 

Peter asked “Stay with me?” 

 

“Yes. I’m here.” He pushed himself up on his elbow so that he could kiss Peter on the cheek. Peter blushed, but found himself relaxing into Adam. 

 

After a while, Peter fell asleep, warm and safe in Adam’s arms. For the first time since they were taken, he slept without nightmares.

  
  


Two days later, Peter returned to school. He thought that Adam or May must have warned Ned, because except for being a little extra touchy than usual, he was acting as if nothing happened. MJ just ruffled his hair and said that the decathlon meeting had been extra dumb without him.

 

Adam stuck close to him during school, like a barrier between him and the rest of the world. He had kept touches to a minimum, until someone brushed too close to Peter in the hallway and he instinctively reached out to grasp Adam’s hand. Since then, they were rarely not touching in some way. Peter was a little shy about it, but it grounded him in a way that he needed. No one dared to say anything about it - although Ned tended to look smug whenever they were particularly coupley - except for MJ, who said “About time,” like their pining had been exhausting.

 

Peter had gotten used to leaving his phone at home. It kept buzzing with calls and texts from the Avengers, and he wasn’t sure that he was ready to hear what they wanted to say. Adam had assured him that none of them were mad, that they were simply worried, but it didn’t stop the twisting anxiety that Peter felt.

 

So things were going okay, thought Peter. School was fine. He had his friends, and aunt May, and his first ever boyfriend. He missed Tony, and the Avengers, and swinging through the city, so much that it felt like a hole in his chest. But it was worth it, if he could keep people safe.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just one more chapter left to go guys!

 

Peter was adapting. He had gone through so many changes in his life that stability seemed like a myth, but it meant that he had learnt not to get too attached. That’s what Peter told himself. 

 

There were positives, too. Since he had stopped being Spider-Man, his grades had risen to what they had been before the bite. He spent more time with May and his friends. He even joined band again. And there were new good things, things he hadn’t had before the bite; most of those things had come in the form of Adam. They had gone on a few dates, but a lot of their time together was spent in school or with Ned. He had slotted into Peter’s life like he had always been there.

 

Still, Peter couldn’t help but mourn what he had lost. He knew that he had only been Spider-Man for a couple of years, but it felt like he lost a chunk of himself. He could barely sleep at night, limbs twitching with pent up energy. Sirens rang through his bedroom like a cry for help. He tried not to think about the people he had abandoned, the people getting hurt, but some nights guilt pressed down on him like a physical weight. Some days he spent his lunch hour dozing on Adam’s shoulder, unable to keep his eyes open. 

 

A few times, Adam had all but begged him to answer Tony’s calls. It was the only time they came close to an argument, with Peter snapping that it was his decision, not Adam’s. After that, Adam hadn’t brought it up again. 

 

On one sleepless night, Peter had wandered out of his bedroom to find the winter soldier sitting on his sofa. Peter jumped half out of his skin before recognising him. “Bucky?” asked Peter, voice soft. He wasn’t sure what was more surprising: that Bucky was visiting, or that he had done so by breaking in without detection.

 

“Peter,” said Bucky. His voice held a hint of Brooklyn.

 

“What- why are you here?” Peter questioned, twisting his fingers together.

 

“Don't worry. The others don't know I'm here.”

 

Peter exhaled. It was good to know that the rest of the team weren't waiting in the shadows of the apartment.

 

“Right,” said Peter. He shuffled around the couch, wanting a better view of Bucky’s expression, but didn't sit.

 

Bucky said, apropos of nothing, “Do you think I'm a bad person?”

 

Peter blinked. “No! Of course not, Mr Barnes, I mean, you’re a superhero.”

 

“I've killed a lot of people,” countered Bucky.

 

“That doesn't count,” said Peter, shaking his head, “Hydra- They were controlling you.”

 

Bucky nodded, expression thoughtful. “So, what you're saying is… if you kill someone under someone else's control, it's not your fault? Interesting.”

 

And with that, Bucky stole out of the window like a shadow, leaving Peter to wonder what the hell just happened.

  
  


 

Peter spent a lot of time thinking about what Bucky had said. He felt all muddled about it. He had already accepted what had happened, and what that meant for him. To question it now made his stomach hurt. 

 

He tried to break it down scientifically, take the emotions out of it. He figured it was like this:

 

Peter’s hypothesis: He murdered people. Therefore he is a bad person.

 

Bucky’s hypothesis, aka the null hypothesis: If you don’t have autonomy, you aren’t responsible for your actions.

 

When Peter thought about it like that, cut into simple terms, it seemed obvious that Bucky was right. Yet, as soon as he tried to apply this logic to himself, it felt like he was missing part of the puzzle. It just wasn’t that simple. Was it?

 

He knew that it would be sensible to talk it through with someone. But who? He couldn’t bear the thought of scaring someone close to him. May and Adam often assured him that he could talk to them, but it felt like too much was at stake. 

 

Exhausted by his own inability to get his thoughts straight, he looked through his contacts. For a while, he hovered over Tony’s name. Normally he was Peter’s go to for these situations. Tony had a way of making his problems feel normal, but this was too big, too scary for that. What if Tony wouldn’t let him around Adam anymore?

 

He scrolled down, stopping at Sam’s name. Sam was less intimidating than the rest of the team, not a supersoldier, nor a spy. At the same time, he understood Peter’s experiences better than his friends. He hesitated. He didn’t want Sam telling Tony about this. He didn’t want Tony thinking that the distance there was anything personal.

 

Eventually, Peter shot him a text. 

 

(16:34) Hi

 

(16:39) Hey! How’s it going?

 

(16:40) I’m okay

(16:40) Actually

(16:41) Could we meet up? I think i need to talk to someone

 

(16:42) Of course man!

 

They organised to meet at a coffee shop - neutral territory - the next afternoon. He spent the rest of the next day feeling nervous and panicky. He knew it was pretty obvious. He told May, not wanting to worry her. He didn’t tell Adam. He felt a little guilty about it, but he didn’t want to put his boyfriend in the position of lying to his dad.

  
  


When Peter got to the coffee shop, Sam was already there. He smiled and stood when Peter entered, patted him on the shoulder like old friends. “Hey! It’s been too long,” he said.

 

“Right. Yeah, hi,” said Peter, sitting heavily. Sam had already ordered coffee for both of them. He took a sip. It was exactly how Peter liked it.

 

“Was there anything in particular you wanted to talk about?”

 

Peter took his time sipping his coffee. How do you start a conversation like this? “I guess I just… since the thing with Hydra,” said Peter, chewing the inside of his cheek, “I just don’t know how to feel about it, I guess?”

 

“Okay,” said Sam, “which part, exactly?”

 

Peter took longer to answer this. Thinking about that night made his hands shake, but he knew that he would have to. “Uh, the part where I hurt them.”

 

Sam nodded seriously. “Makes sense. That was some heavy stuff.”

 

“Right,” said Peter. “I just need to know if I’m a bad person.”

 

To Peter’s surprise, Sam laughed. “Hell, kid, that’s not something anyone can tell you. But if you want my opinion? You’re one of the most selfless people I know.”

 

Peter ducked his head. “I killed people.”

 

“Man, if there were ever extenuating circumstances…” 

 

“I know,” said Peter.

 

“But..?”

 

“But… Sam, I,” he choked. “I  _ liked it. _ I  _ smiled _ .” 

 

Sam reached out across the table, but Peter flinched back, too ashamed to be touched. 

 

“You weren’t in your right mind. You weren’t you,” said Sam. 

 

“I was me enough not to hurt Adam,” said Peter. “I made that choice. That was me.”

 

Sam ran a hand over his face. “Okay, okay. Say that, uh… say that I got captured, taken prisoner, by Hydra. If I used lethal force, would that make me a bad person?”

 

Peter frowned, thoughtful. “That’s different.”

 

“How so?”

 

“Because you’re like them. I’m different, I have powers. If I can’t use them responsibly, I don’t deserve them,” said Peter.

 

“Peter, you didn’t choose this,” said Sam, voice hushed. “You’re a kid who, under duress, managed to save his friend from being hurt. No one thinks less of you for it. Hell, the team is all proud of you.”

 

“I just feel so guilty. I’m tired of feeling so guilty,” said Peter. He put his head down in his hands.

 

“It’s normal to feel guilt about things that weren’t your fault. Honestly, it’s probably the reason you’re such a good person, because you care so much. But eventually you’ve got to let it go. Don’t let yourself get stuck.”

 

“But how? How do I… let go?”

 

“It takes time,” he said, “but talking about what happened can be a good place to start.”

 

“Now?” asked Peter, a little alarmed. 

 

Sam shrugged. “As good a time as any.”

  
  
  
  
  


The next day at lunch, Peter told Adam, “I saw Sam yesterday.”

 

Adam sat up a little straighter, but his voice remained casual when he said, “That’s cool. Did it go well?”

 

“Yeah. I think so.”

 

Adam leaned in until he could murmur in Peter’s ear. “Come home with me tonight? I want you to meet my family.”

 

Peter smiled shyly. “I’d like that.”

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

Peter’s mouth was dry, and he was worried that Adam could feel how sweaty his palm was. They were in the car, racing their way towards his doom - formerly known as the Avengers compound. Adam squeezed Peter’s hand in a familiar gesture. It did little to slow the buzzing under his skin, but Peter appreciated it all the same.

 

When the car came to a halt, Peter felt himself freeze.

 

Adam said, “You can do this, Peter.”

 

He can do this. He can do this.

 

Peter couldn’t do this.

 

Happy opened the door. “Come on, kid. We don’t have all day,” he said.

 

Peter pulled himself out of the car, motion wooden. He felt like he was barely in his body. Adam reached for his hand, gently lead him towards the entrance, and then up to the common area.

 

Then there he was. Face to face with Tony Stark.

 

Tony and Peter stood, looking at each other with silent panic. 

 

“Hi, dad,” said Adam, “this is my boyfriend, Peter.”

 

The moment broke, and Tony snorted, “Is this where I give the shovel talk?”

 

“Probably a little late for that,” said Peter.

 

“Right, right. Anyway, I’m not too worried. There’s no one else I would want more as a son-in-law,” said Tony, voice light, but his eyes too sincere.

 

Peter swallowed tightly. “Yeah, well. If I had to choose a father-in-law…”

 

“Hey, quit it, or I’m gonna start to think you’re dating me just to hang around Tony,” joked Adam.

 

“Well, I wouldn’t say  _ just _ to see Tony more, but…”

 

Adam swatted Peter’s arm, laughing. Peter let out a long breath. This wasn’t so bad.

  
  
  
  
  


After that, Peter started hanging around the compound again. It was a relief, to see all the people he had been missing, especially Tony, who was acting like nothing had happened. When they ran into other Avengers, they didn’t mention the incident with Hydra, although he sometimes got the impression that they’d like to. He wondered whether Tony had told them not to. It made things awkward, sometimes, but he was grateful. 

 

Before his first movie night, post Hydra, Peter had been anxious. He worried that he wouldn’t belong there anymore. Adam had reminded him that the team still cared about him, that even though he wasn’t Spider-Man anymore, it was Peter Parker who had befriended the Avengers. Besides, Adam was allowed to bring his boyfriend home with him, wasn’t he? 

 

In reality, the team had welcomed him like an old friend, like family. They teased Adam and Peter about their budding relationship, but the couple only received smiles when they curled up together on the couch, Peter’s head pillowed on Adam’s chest.

  
  


So Peter was feeling pretty happy. Sometimes he would overhear gossip or see a news article speculating on Spider-Man’s absence, and Peter would feel that hollow feeling, like he had lost part of himself. Other days, when he spent a lazy afternoon marathoning Star Wars with Ned, or winning at Mario Kart against May, he was thankful that he could be a normal teenager again. Still, despite his bad days, he didn’t think he was behaving all that different since putting down the mask. 

 

Hence, he was pretty surprised when MJ cornered him after Decathlon Practice, and asked, “What’s it going to take for you to go be Spider-Man again?”

 

Peter gaped at her. She just looked at him, unimpressed and continued, “Like it or not, Spidey is part of you. I can tell you miss it.”

 

Peter stuttered, “How did you find out?”

 

MJ rolled her eyes. “You talk about it in school all the time. You’re not subtle.”

 

“How many other people know?”

 

“That’s besides the point,” she said.

 

“Well, what is the point?” questioned Peter.

 

MJ placed a hand on his shoulder. Peter wasn’t sure if the gesture was intended to be comforting or threatening. Maybe a mixture of both. “Whatever you need to do to be Spider-Man again, go do it. Get your shit together, Peter. New York needs you.” 

 

And with that, she was gone, leaving Peter stunned and confused.

  
  
  
  


“Hey, Tony,” said Peter.

 

Tony startled, squinted at Peter with tired eyes. “I didn’t know you were coming over. Adam’s in his room, I think.”

 

“I came to talk to you, actually,” explained Peter, rubbing his palms together.

 

“Oh.  _ Oh. _ Okay, take a seat,” he suggested, clearing a few pieces of scrap off of a lab stool.

 

Peter sat, and gripped the edge of the counter top like the floor might disappear.

 

“Tony, do you think I should be Spider-Man?” blurted Peter.

 

Tony frowned. “I think that if you want to be Spider-Man, you should be Spider-Man.”

 

Peter deflated. “That’s not- That isn’t what I’m asking. I just don’t know what to  _ do _ .”

 

“So you want me to tell you what to do?” asked Tony. 

 

“No. Or, yes. I don’t know,” shrugged Peter.

 

“Why don’t you ask me what you really want to ask,” suggested Tony, voice surprisingly gentle. 

 

Peter bit his lip, flushing slightly. Was he really so obvious? “Do you think I’m dangerous? Do you think I would hurt people, if I was Spider-Man again?”

 

“Maybe,” said Tony with blunt honesty. “The truth is, kid, everyone is dangerous. Everyone is capable of causing harm. The real question is, do you want to hurt people?”

 

“No! Of course not,” cried Peter, shocked.

 

“There you go, then,” said Tony. “That’s all that anyone can ask for. Personally? I trust you with the suit. Otherwise I would never have given it to you.”

 

Peter mulled this over. “So, if I asked for the suit back?”

 

Tony grinned. “I was starting to think you’d never ask.”

  
  
  


Peter looked across New York - his city. It looked beautiful, the setting sun casting a warm glow, reflecting off of the glass towers. The skyline was a familiar work of art, especially from up here. Peter wished he could show Adam what he saw, sticking to the side of skyscrapers, people scurrying below him. Peter took a deep breath of cool air, and jumped, trusting his webs to catch him. It was time to get to work. His city needed him, after all.

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/161747284@N06/46168879304/in/dateposted-public/)

Peter had his family, old and new. He had his awesome friends, and his loving boyfriend. 

 

And he had Spider-Man. 

 

Peter Parker was, in every way, happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who stuck with me through this, especially those who commented! special thanks to midnight-clover for all the ideas and encouragement! <3


End file.
